Change Happens When You Take Control

I’ll just get to the point. I suffer from depression. No, it’s not just a case of feeling sad or down because I’ve had a bad day. I can’t just “snap out of it.” It’s a feeling that is almost impossible to describe because there are different levels for different people. For me, though, it feels like a brick wall goes up inside my brain that keeps the happiness and positivity out.

Throughout that entire time (which could be a day, a week, a month… even a year) my positive thoughts are doing everything they can to tear the brick wall down that’s dividing my feelings and emotions. The darkness takes over and blankets your mind with deepest despair. It will not let go! I have a great life. A wife who loves me. Two insanely adorable boys. A house. A successful real estate career. It doesn’t matter. When a depression takes over, all of that goodness in the world that I’m blessed with is not enough. I’m not talking about depressed because your goldfish died. I’m talking the deepest feeling of heaviness, sadness and loneliness one can imagine without knowing the reason.

Depression (major depressive disorder or clinical depression) is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working. -National Institute of Mental Health

For a long time my depression went untreated and I just accepted the fact that maybe it’s just who I am. There were (and still are some) days when it pains me mentally to get out of bed because of the sad state my mind is at. But, as hard as it is, I have a family to support and a mortgage to pay. If any of you can relate, you know how heavy your head and body can feel when you’re depressed.